The Walk of Lame – On Regretting NOT Hooking Up

Right before I met my husband, I flew to another state for a graduate school interview.  After we landed, I kept running into the crew from the plane.  Turns out they were staying in the same hotel as me, including a very attractive man around my age, who I assumed was a flight attendant.  He invited me to dinner, and in a very uncharacteristic move (I had to get up early for my interview),, I agreed.  That was my idea of living on the edge!

Turns out the guy was the co-pilot and quite a hot, charming co-pilot at that.  After Cuban food and an excellent mojito, I went back to his room to see his “flight plans.”  Uh-huh.  So we were making out, and it was cool.  I didn’t feel pressured or uncomfortable, or any of those things “they” warn you about.  I was having fun.  So what did I do?  I excused myself and went back to my room to rest up for my interview (an interview, mind you, I didn’t really care about).  I think I am still feeling the sexual frustration from that night to this day.

Why did I leave my pilot friend (and myself) so unsatisfied?  I had learned somewhere along the line to assume that I would regret a casual hook-up.  I didn’t have any personal evidence for this.  There wasn’t anything at all about the situation to suggest I might regret it.  The guy was a perfect gentleman, and I really liked him.  And yet, regret was the only possibly outcome in my mind.  There was no part of me that considered the possibility that I might be glad I had hooked up with him.

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